You’ll buy them. And complain about them. You might even cook them. In the newspapers and the women’s magazines there will be 1001 ideas as to what to do with the leftover cooked ones. But what to do with the leftover raw ones?

You could just leave them on the side and let them rot.

Note that when we say ‘on the side’ we all assume that we’re talking about the kitchen worktop. But we may not be; I like to leave mine on the side of the street. Not the sunny side, that means they go off faster. Other sides you could leave your sprouts on might include a table, a plate, the wild side or Moss Side, if you live near Manchester.

Anyway, wherever you leave them, if you’re not going to cook them you don’t want to waste them.

Here are some things you can do with your leftover sprouts:

Sprouts make ideal tiny cabbages for a miniature greengrocer‘s stall. Maybe you’re re-enacting Eastenders with the family pets. You could do a Christmas special. Be prepared for some of your pets to die though. Or leave suddenly in a black cab.  

Giant cabbages for ants. It’s their Christmas too.

Environmentally sound marbles.

Disposable earplugs. 

Juggling balls for the cat.

Spare eyeballs for zombies.

If the Ambassador calls round unexpectedly simply paint some sprouts gold and arrange them into a pyramid on your best tray. 

Make a pair of earrings – maybe roll them in some glitter first.

Actually you could roll a few more of them in glitter and do a matching necklace

Don’t attempt a tiara. That would just be silly.


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