How to Marry Prince Harry.

In lieu of a new job, Aunty needs a rich husband. And preferably one who works away from home a lot. Unfortunately, I rarely bump into the über rich. They don’t seem to get on my train much.

Anyway. Having done some extensive research, (opened a newspaper), who do I spy but Prince Harry. I seem to remember reading somewhere that he has wealthy parents. And also his brother Prince William is getting married soon, so I imagine that sibling rivalry, and the opportunity for The Queen to double up on the bunting and stuff at the Royal Wedding, means that he’s probably quite keen to get married asap.

I know from the newspapers where he is right now. He’s in Norway, on the way to the North Pole. This is handy because he cannot escape. Where will he run to? Even if he does run away. he’ll be easy to spot, even without the orange immersion suit. That red hair will stand out nicely against the white snow. If I was pursuing a silver fox like Phillip Schofield I might have a problem, but this will be a breeze.

The North Pole is a good place to make approaches to potential husbands. You don’t have to worry about what to wear. And big coats are flattering. You can blame any lumps and bumps on all the layers. Also there’s no need to shave your legs, as not only will they be well out of sight, but they’ll be nicely insulated.

Ok. So I know where he is. But how do I get to him? Well luckily (for me), this week I’ve been given permission to do an interview with this chap:


Yes I know he’s cute. But that’s not the point. His name is Jaco Van Gass, and he’s doing a trek to the North Pole for a charity called Walking with the Wounded. Yes, he and some other crazy people are walking to the North Pole. Two hundred and fifty miles. Across the Arctic. Pulling sledges that weigh over 100KG. While avoiding polar bears. Lunatics.

I ran for a bus today in a slight drizzle and had to sit down for half an hour afterwards, so I can fully empathise.

But, as if walking across an icy arctic landscape thingy (a landscape that is capable of letting you walk for 10 miles in temperatures that could be as low as -50C, then relax and pitch a tent, and then while you are asleep maybe move itself along and let you wake up 11 miles further back from where you started!), isn’t difficult enough, these chaps are tackling it with various injuries sustained in the army.

Injuries that in Jaco’s case include the loss of an arm, and a bit of leg, after being hit by a rocket-propelled grenade.

I don’t know about you, but I’m probably going to complain slightly less about having to walk up two flights of stairs if the lift at work breaks down again this week.

Anyway, getting back to the object of this exercise. As one of the interview questions I’m going to ask Jaco to ask Harry to marry me. I’m working on the theory that men can rarely say ‘no’ to other men.

‘Oh, I didn’t want to go to the pub for 12 hours. but all the others made me’.

That type of thing. It’s called peer pressure.

How can he refuse? Sorted.

Don’t get any ideas about marrying Harry – I need the money – but if you want to follow Jaco and the others on their trip, or preferably sponsor them, or even just look at pictures of chaps being quite rugged in the snow, you can do so here:

Good for them.


One Response to How to Marry Prince Harry.

  1. Biltawulf says:

    Why have you never thought of this before?

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